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banana gerard has eaten the television [entries|friends|calendar]

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[21 Aug 2014|09:24am]
oh hello friendlies.

just dropping a line to anyone who still reads this (and isn't on my facebook or whatever social media) and is interested in my goings-on: I finally snapped a little (for better or for worse), quit my job, sold my shit, and am now wandering the country on my bicycle and via train. currently in St. Louis, but it took me all of like 15 miles on my bike to remember that holy fuck I hate being anywhere in or near the South in the summer (or at all, but especially in the summer) and am fleeing back up north somewhere tomorrow. if you so desire, you can follow my adventures and likely impending grisly death on this blog.

not exactly where I'd've foreseen myself three years ago before moving to Milwaukee, eh?

love you all,
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hello little old livejournal, i kind of miss you [11 Jul 2013|11:21pm]
okay, all right:

we have understood you, july. you are dripping down our fingertips and you are sliding down the spine; you have dug your hands into the upper midwest at last and you have made us respond, visceral. your tongue laps at our ribcages and we shift hotly, uncomfortable. you know that we want you and we sing your praises but you are oppressive: we wipe you off the skin.

you tempt us with your colors and your sounds; you show like a peacock, your brilliant blues and greens; we kneel in adulation and we lift our faces to you. but when you are not looking we turn our faces to the grey.

your sensuality is so blatant, july, that you bore me. i sit on the sidewalk and i watch your flowers preening; my mouth is in a sneer as i twist a petal into shreds.

sweat skitters down my back, down my forehead, between my breasts and my legs. you are like a tango dancer; you held me close and made me wet, and i felt your sticky finger tracing lines across my neck; you bend me back, arching.

i smell you, july, and you smell of decay. you trick us with your colors, your tongue languid down the spine, but i know you, and you are rotting. your colors are smug and lurid and i know that you are dying.

you fear october in the air and you are furious and you turn on your charms. you beckon your legions to the lake and you bask in their sharp relief, but you know that you are grasping at august and september as quickly as you came.

you make the lake flat and white, you make the sky empty and white. you wield your thunderstorms, july, like a toy, but you know you are impotent: the air pulses hot and bright around you, and you are beautiful but you bore me; you tremble, you shiver, and you barely exist.
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[29 Aug 2010|04:09am]
i miss livejournal, honestly. i'm as big a facebook whore as anyone else these days, but i miss actually reading about people's lives/thoughts/whatever in more than 3 line sound-bites. or text-bites. everyone and their mother (usually literally) has a blog and all, but nowadays it's usually, like, A Blog, capital letters, with topics and focus and well-crafted paragraphs. not that they're not interesting to read (sometimes), but i can't keep up with an array of individual blogs (unless new posts are linked via facebook, which somehow just seems wrong); i miss having a page of posts that actually changed when refreshed -- and weren't 90% posted via iphone or whatever. alas, alack!
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[16 Aug 2010|02:47am]
i just: i want this to end, you know? i'm so tired, all the time, and it's like even when there are good things, they're such small and rare bright spots that i can feel myself just grasping and clinging to them and ultimately destroying them because they're still not good enough.
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[10 Jul 2010|02:46am]
i'm increasingly incapable of functioning. whether it's just silly things or important things, i can't do it anymore.

i can't do toronto, and the pac nw is so pricey. i dunno, why not? i'll off myself if i stay here much longer, so i've got to go somewhere. madison has a good job market and cheap as shit housing -- honestly, why not?
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[08 Jul 2010|08:39pm]
madison, wisconsin?
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[08 Jul 2010|12:57am]
i think i'm going to give up on toronto for now. i can't get financial aid for it, and i could pay for barely a third of it right now, and like fuck i'm asking my parents for anything when they obstinately refuse to, like, buy themselves a new $40 TV.

so now i just have to figure out someplace in the country that is up north, cheap to live, and has a good job market.
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[23 Jun 2010|01:15am]
i blogged a little. mostly i think i have just been reading too much hyperbole and a half, but that's OK too, at least it's stringing words together.
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[18 Jun 2010|11:47am]
this is my life:

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[13 Jun 2010|01:31pm]
note to brain: stop dreaming
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[17 May 2010|01:24am]
i need encouragement, but i'm not sure for what.
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[11 May 2010|07:24am]
god, what a waste of a weekend. i don't even know why. i needed to get SO much shit done for work, and i did zero. ZERO. i've been sleeping in odd increments of a few hours here and there, and basically doing nothing. i mean yes, i need day off here and there -- but i also need to fucking finish work; i really wanted to try to be caught up before i go on vacation on the 23rd andnndnddndnd im not gonna be even a little. i don't think it will be a problem but fuck. im staring at my notes and wholly incapable of doing anyhting with them.
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[29 Apr 2010|01:51am]
sometimes i think that if i lived in a generation that forced people to deal with their thoughts for lack of anything else to do, i would have been somebody.
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[18 Apr 2010|04:36am]
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[10 Mar 2010|11:46pm]
i'm a little sad about the slow decline of things like LJ in favor of the THIS IS WHAT I'M THINKING RIGHT NOW HI of facebook, twitter, w/e, much as i read facebook all day and am as guilty as any -- okay, not as guilty as many, but certainly guilty -- of posting inane shit just for the sake of posting, and the instant gratification of "_____ likes your post." i miss having more than one or two posts of substance, if the substance is just thoughts about the day or random whatever. alas!
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[04 Feb 2010|06:05am]
oh, lj, why are you so dead? and why am i so awake at 6:00 in the morning?

i have already posted this like every other place, but it's still pretty much the best thing i've seen in a long time.

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[11 Jan 2010|03:16pm]
i have always been a fairly olfactory-oriented person -- i mean, i would give up my sense of hearing before my sense of smell without any hesitation. so biking a lot has been interesting in this respect, all the things you never smell from the inside of a car. mostly it's awesome; i was riding along A1A one of the recent cold days, and the scents of hibiscus mingled with the ocean smelled so different as a cold scent than when it's hot. and i love the way that a pool smells different at night than it does during the day. is this strange?

but man, there's definitely some areas better enjoyed from the sanctity of a closed-in car. today i was heading up towards the mall, and there's an area of ISB where in the space of maybe a block, there's the fast food trifecta of mcdonalds/bk/wendy's, flanked by a denny's and a china buffet. dear god, if there's such a thing as second-hand grease, my arteries know it at the moment.

also my iphone went white screen of death this morning, and there's no apple store nearer than orlando, so i will responding to texts/calls with even less regularity than normal.
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[08 Nov 2009|05:21am]
when i was younger, i used to be drawn to ugly things -- especially ugly clothes -- just for the sake of being hilariously ugly. i have, with a few inevitable exceptions, more or less outgrown this, except i think maybe i just channeled it into a passion for hideous pajamas.
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[24 Oct 2009|12:27am]
you know, i am much, much better than i used to be about calling people out about spelling and grammar mistakes. frankly, it's not my place; grammar is my Thing -- it would be equally offensive if (AS MY DAD USED TO DO), somebody sat beside my as i'm playing my piano, pointing out every misplayed note that they effortlessly learned.

but there remains something so wildly disconcerting when i read these casual, inconsequential blurbs by middle-aged women, mothers, teachers, which are so borderline illiterate -- we're not talking a misspelled word here and there, which, anymore, i do not care about unless it's on a sign -- we're talking a complete, absolute inability to grasp the basics of language.

all the time.

like this is not somebody for whom the particulars of strunk & white maybe didn't click. this is somebody who capitalizes arbitrarily, puts quotation marks instead of italics, and just sort of haphazardly throws out apostrophes like they're compliments.

and they're procreating, and TEACHING THEIR CHILDREN.

and then wonders why we worry about our future.
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[11 Oct 2009|07:46pm]
i am convinced that all of the automotive-safety signage in this town are created by the same semi-literate jackass.

this weekend is the beginning of biketoberfest in our culture-laden city -- which, honestly, i don't especially mind the bikers; they're generally just rich people having fun, and don't tend to bring the douchery that the nascar fans bring. and so there are signs posted everywhere welcoming them, and requesting they respect the locals, engine-revving-wise. and while these signs aren't blatantly incorrect, per se, they're just... very awkward. completely lacking in punctuation, and it seems like the word order is just off. i wish i had pictures of them, but one says, "RIDE QUIETLY PLEASE," and the other says "YOU'RE BACK WE'RE GLAD". which have the same childlike feel to them as the sign on my street, "ARE YOU SPEEDING WE ARE WATCHING".

at least they finally fixed the one sign that for so many years said "PLEASE RIDE QUIET," with an -LY invariably magic-markered in at the edge.
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